I won’t believe

you love me until you’re desperate to beat me into a sniveling puddle of mush
I won’t believe you love me if you can’t smell my pain,
If you can’t feel my thoughts
I won’t believe you love me if, when I shriek across the desert, you leave your head in the sand
I don’t believe you love me because you can’t slit yourself down the middle and let your guts fall to the floor in front of me
You can’t let your lungs flutter open and your heart squeeze tight while I watch
You are sewn shut.
I don’t believe you love me just because you bring me lamps and peppers and frozen pizza.
I don’t believe you love me because my needs are inconvenient for you
Because you painted me a picture and gave it to someone else
Because you make me feel most alone in your arms than anywhere else
I don’t believe you love me because you don’t care how I say ‘I love you’
Because you can live without me
I don’t believe you love me because you’re never sorry for anything you do, or don’t do
I don’t believe
you know what love is

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